More Work

Disclaimer:  This post is not about my baby.

Instead it's about my business (my other baby).

October of last year I launched my website.  I started the business in March of last year, but Isaiah (Ooops, there I go talking about him again) was coming in May so I only wanted to retain my current client base rather than obtain additional clients because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to handle it.  That was a pretty smart decision, because having a newborn was even harder than I imagined.  Around August though things were starting to get a little easier, Isaiah was going to a babysitter, and we needed more money, so we started the web design process & the marketing design process.  Everything would have been fine, but in October we got married & the whole baby mama drama happened, and we became drastically more broke than before.  So rather than spending all of my time marketing, I was working every event with Marcus to save money.  Marketing was falling by the wayside.  We had the website but no way of reaching out to potential clients to get them to visit it. 

Then I met the perfect employee.  I have really really high work & ethic standards, and she shared them.  That's very hard to find in an employee.  She was hard working, available, and we had shared a year of high school in Mississippi, so we got along really well.  Her future was in social work (something else we shared), but she had lots of experience in event management, administration & sales.  And she lived with her parents, so she didn't need a lot of money, she would be able to work on commission only basis & help us with events here & there.  Perfect. 

I was finally able to breath because someone else was focusing on marketing. 

But it was November, pretty much already into the holiday season.  This is usually the busiest season for caterers, but since I experienced a holiday season of catering at Cuba Libre, I learned that it's really only busy if you start going after business in the summertime or making yourself visible then or already having regular business that does events during the season. 

So I wasn't expecting any results from my new employees's marketing efforts until after the New Year.   Good thing I wasn't because we didn't get any. 

She was still the perfect employee.  We both decided that one day when I could pay her a real salary she would just transition into my personal assistant because she liked that kind of position better. 

But then she realized she needed more education to get the positions she wanted in social work.  And she moved out of her parents' house.  And then she lost one of her roommates.  So she needed to get a night job.  But even that wasn't enough.  And I couldn't give her enough events to work to make what she needed.  Her commission would have been enough if she could have just put in a little more time.  But it wasn't guaranteed, so one has to the smart thing to take care of the bills.   

I'm so sad about it because I wanted her to work for me forever.  My business would later be successful & then we would together open a foster home. 

And now I'm worried & stressed because once again, I'm taking over marketing.  I need more hours in the day. 

Worried About the Next Six Weeks

Isaiah is 6 weeks old!!! 

I have the go ahead to start exercising now, and I'm super excited because I'm feeling pretty not skinny these days. 

I also have the go ahead to have sex, BUT honestly I don't know if I'm ready for it.  This is quite unusual for me to say, because usually my sex drive is really really high, and I thought I would just be dying by now.  Six weeks is way longer than Marcus & I have ever gone without having sex.  But I'm feeling pretty emotionally vulnerable.  Fragile even.  I think I would be so happy if we could just cuddle. 

But even if I was ready, we probably wouldn't be able to find the time or the place.  Because let me tell you about what's going on...

We just picked up a new client that will be using us every weekday morning for the next six weeks.  We've never had anything that regular or often. 

We have several dinner events this month which is unusual.

I started my last eight week term on Monday, and it appears that it will be the most difficult yet.  We have been assigned teams, and I am stuck for the third time in the past two years, with the laziest asshole of a teammate. 

I haven't finished posting Isaiah's birth story yet!  I'm glad I posted a portion of it because I got distracted way more than I thought I would.

We have Marcus's five year old (I think I'll call him A from now on) for the month of July. 

And my mom went home today.  A quite sudden decision made during our recent weekend trip to Arkansas. 

Last week I was imagining my days without her, nursing & playing with Isaiah, & alternating between eating, sleeping & working while he slept.  I thought it would be difficult but possible.  Now I'm adding a five year old to that picture. 

I'm a little nervous about how we're going to handle it all. 

But we must.  And we will, splendidly I'm sure.  I hope. 

We can't have any problems with this cuteness in our house right?

I Pushed Me

I was feeling a little down & unmotivated the other day.  I told myself I would just force myself to do productive things.  I did, and it worked! 

I wrote in my blog.  Upon completion, I felt like writing more. 

I did some homework, and I found out that my class this term is actually quite interesting, all about creativity, innovation, and specifically ecological innovation.  The latter is something I wouldn't expect from an MBA program, but it will be useful in my industry, so I'm not going to complain. 

I worked on some work communication that was piling up, and that inspired me to do more.  Also I think going to work & doing some things there helped.  Although the walking back & forth part scared me into deciding never to walk again.  I had my computer Mona with me.  What if I got mugged?  My files are backed up but not my millions of pictures.  But more importantly, what if the mugger forced me to the ground and hurt my baby?  No more walking.

I have come to conclude that one of the culprits for my unmotivation/lack of inspiration is my couch Hattie.  The great comfort & warmth she brings me unfortunately doesn't make me want to move from her or my current place in life. 

To fix that, I tried sitting at my desk, but my back started hurting.  Now what do I do?

So anyway, I'm back.  Which is good because lots of things are happening this month. 

New place with a new roommate (my boyfriend).  AND we will finally find out whether our baby is a mini Jewel or another mini Marcus.  More later!

For now, I am like this inside. Maybe with a little more grace.  Maybe.

What do you do to get out of a slump??  How do you deal with stress?  And pregnant girls, are you experiencing stages like these?

The Opposite of Inspiration

In the noun form?  I know what it is in the adjective form -- uninspired.

Lately, I have been feeling uninspired.  

Some things still move me, especially this birth story from Dear Baby.  Natural births are so incredibly beautiful.  It made me cry reading about each & every moment of her baby’s entrance into the world.  It made me imagine my own future birth story, hoping it will pass as seamlessly as hers.  Not painlessly, as I know that isn’t probable, but according to plan.  

Another baby was born, whose upcoming birth I have been reading about online. 

I found out that there are many old dear friends of mine are pregnant with me.  One has the same due date.  One is due on my dad’s birthday, and I am due on her dad’s birthday.  

Being moved by their stories unfortunately doesn’t translate into any kind of renewed energy for me, which is what I believe I should have happened.  

School has started again.  I don’t know how to deal with that, as I don’t think I have been any level of productive since before the holidays.  

There is so much work I could be doing, and I HAVE to be doing it, for the sake of my unborn child, but I find myself doing only enough.   

I received this really amazing review of my blog from JJ at Bellyitch.  That should have made me want to write like crazy, become more involved with other girls that are pregnant with me, research other people’s writing & blogs...  But it hasn’t.  

I searched for unhappy pictures of me as a child to illustrate.  It was difficult to not find me smiling this really big ridiculous smile (I'll show you another time), but I did find this one.  One happy sister, one unhappy one.  Mom, why was I sad? 

Maybe I don’t feel like doing anything because of stress.  Which should really motivate me, but I think sometimes it does the opposite.  Do you ever shut down when you know the one thing you shouldn’t be doing is shutting down?

Maybe it’s something else.  I don’t know.  But I’m going to do what I usually do when I feel this way -- force myself to write, force myself to do homework, force myself to do only enough, and then maybe after that I can force myself to do more.  Or I'll just watch a really depressing movie based on real life so I get a new perspective on mine.