There's Never Any Time

I'm so excited.  I'm so so scared.  Jessie Spano. 

I've been a little busy.  I can't really tell if my inability to accomplish all of my tasks has something to do with my pregnant self.  I've always had a few issues with procrastinating & the lack of focus, so I don't know what to blame.

I did learn today that it is impossible for me to be talking to someone & pay any kind of attention to anything else.  It happened several times, I'm having a conversation, and I do something with my keys or I put something in my purse.  Five minutes later when the conversation is over, I seriously don't know where my keys are.  Marcus is starting to anticipate the inevitable question, "Hunnie, have you seen my keys?"

Anyway, so I first got behind because I decided to wait some tables last weekend.  We needed some extra money, so I just jumped in there.  I might add that I jumped in there stupidly, as I picked up 6 shifts in 4 days, which is not the most intelligent thing to do while pregnant.  Why?  Hint...  It has something to do with all that extra weight running around a two story restaurant after not doing so for almost a year. 

I might give you my wisdom on waiting tables while pregnant at another date.  No time now. 

Because when I got done with all of that hard work, I had to rest.  Never slept so well in my life, even during my first trimester.  I hear I'll beat that record soon though, when I get to the last third.

Then I had to do homework. 

Then I had 3 events this week & many to plan for the next few weeks.  Also suddenly my boss needed all of these favors from me which required my visiting the restaurant.  I think he got used to my being there, he started thinking of all of things I could do for him. 

Then there is this blog of mine.  I wanted my next post to be brilliant & beautiful.  I wanted to talk about the humor & the drama of searching for a name for our little boy.  I wanted to write him a letter.  I wanted to discuss a lot of things.  But now, instead of those lots of things, I'm just writing something before I get too behind.  Before I get to that point where it's been so long, I get intimidated by it & take even longer to begin again. 

Even more pressing than recording my thoughts so I will one day remember what I was going through...  Moving.  Tomorrow I move apartments. 

This is a momentous move for a number of reasons.  First, I'm moving from across the street from my place of employment to 20 minutes away.  Bad because I won't get to walk to work anymore.  Good because it's cheaper and really beautiful.  Also we will be closer to my future stepson. 

It's a big deal because this will be the first time Marcus & I have lived together.  It's a huge step for us as he would NEVER leave his things here, so that he could avoid the stigma attached to "living with a girl."  (I think he created the stigma).  I haven't determined whether this is because he has commitment issues or because he wants to make his mother happy. 

I think it will be just fine.  I have observed that he is helpful both at home with his family & with me.  He is much cleaner than my current roomie maybe even cleaner than me. 

Although I am calm about the move, as I have done it before, he is probably not so calm. 

Because not only is he moving in with a girl for the first time, he is also moving away from home for the first time.  Yes, it is crazy.  He is 30 years old living with his parents.  He has had his reasons, some honorable & some lazy. 

We'll see how these firsts turn out.  Again, I am confident that we will be okay.  We share the same abilities to adapt to change, to use humor theraputically, and to generally avoid freaking out. 

Finally, the move is special because it will be the place where our son is born.  I had to walk around the potentials many times picturing myself in labor before I could determine which one was the right one.  And this is where he will spend his first 6 months of life. 

By the way, we have chosen a name, I'm just not ready to tell everyone.  But aren't the stories better already, just by talking about him? 

Many family members are arriving to help me move.  Aren't they the best?  It's sort of a tradition to help with big moves, and it is one that I will never take for granted again.  My mom, dad, & little sister are here now.  My big sister, her husband, & my nephew will be here in the morning.  I am sooooo blessed to have them here.  I tear up to imagine what I would do without them.

But there is no time for tears. 

Off to sleep because I read somewhere that I should get more of that these days.   Until the next one...

And the Sex Is....

Yesterday was the day we went to the doctor for the sonogram.  I was soooo excited.  All the extra time we had to wait for the doctor didn't seem to matter.  It was just more time to be mentally prepared for what was to come, the determination that my baby is healthy, & the announcement of its sex. 

The only thing that wasn't perfect?  I forgot to put the charged battery back in my camera.  Thanks iPhone for getting me through this day.

Marcus was a little nervous.

Okay, he was really just reading & watching TV when I took those pictures.  He was excited too. 

Our midwife came with us.  It was good to have her, and she kept Marcus company while the nurse asked me a million questions.

The doctor was wonderful.  Soothing, informative, confident, amusing & kind.

We looked at a lot of things first.  How rewarding is it to see a little hand waving?  And bones perfectly formed.  A brilliant foundation. 

The doctor would say, "Do you see his little hands waving?"  Marcus would smile a really big smile because she said "his."  But then she would say, "Now these are her lips and her mouth."  And he would frown.  After a few incidences of that, he asked why she was going back and forth.  She hadn't looked yet and was just keeping us on our toes. 

Everything was normal.  Baby was measuring 21 weeks, right on track to where they thought I was.  Healthy baby. 

The only thing she couldn't see clearly was the heart because of course our baby was just chilling in the same position the whole time, only moving its hand every once in awhile.  Even though I downed about three bottles of OJ to induce activity like the internet told me to do.  I asked if our baby was being lazy, but I knew the answer, not lazy -- laid back, calm & collected.  Hey Mom & Dad, I'm good. 

Then the moment of truth...  Marcus stood up from his chair & came to hold my hand.  She moved the instrument around & around.  Focusing in & out.  We thought we saw something, then we thought we saw nothing.  Then it was clear.  The doctor smiled & asked, "So what are we looking at guys?"

Can you tell? 

Two legs, a butt &...  A pickle!  That's the family name for a penis.

We made a little boy!

I couldn't stop smiling.  Marcus couldn't stop smiling.  I think he did a little dance.  There were some tears in my eyes.  I was so happy to finally be able to know, so I could begin imagining our lives together. 

He kept making me laugh with comments like, "I guess we're going to be staying together."

Of course I was a little upset that he was right.  Now he really thinks his sperm is incapable of producing a girl.  But I don't mind being wrong.  I wanted a boy to be my first child, and to see Marcus so happy made me happier. 

We made a little boy.

He wiped the rest of the gel off my belly, helped me get up, helped me with my shoes, opened doors for me, & carried my purse.  I felt like a queen who had just given her king his first male to one day take over the throne. 

He called to brag to his friends & family about his male producing sperm.  I couldn't stop thinking of names. 

We made a little boy.

And the Reason Why It's Worth It

The other day, I complained about the annoying parts about being pregnant.  I'm sure that list of things will continue to grow as the months pass, as evidenced by stories from other mommies I know, books I read, the comments below & comments I received from friends on Facebook...

"oh sweetheart, you are not so big at all.  i was 164 the day i gave birth to my son and then the day i gave birth to my daughter i was 225 lol.... and i am still trying to loose weight but with the kids, there are a lot more things important than my looks or weight. and you are going to love it after it is over... you are going to be glad it is over, but love how you were when you were pregnant"

"You look beautiful! And the quicker you realize people are RUDE,the better off you'll be. I was constantly asked If I was sure I wasn't carrying twins. Or this one I loved," are you sure your only 6 months cause you look like your going to pop" or my favorite...." wow you still have 2 months left?! I wasn't that big when I gave birth". No matter ... See Morewhat dumb, insensitive people say, it was all worth it ( all 59 pounds). K so I was so swollen when I got home from delivering my son I HAD GAINED 6 POUNDS! How do u have an 8 lb baby and gain 6 lb??!? You look wonderful and try to enjoy every second!"

"I get negative comments all the time; it's frustrating, but I just try to let it not bother me. There are some people in my family that always have something to say about my weight- whether I'm pregnant or not. And then, of course, there are the sweet old ladies at church. Oh, my overweight grandfather said to me this past weekend, "So, um, has ...  your doctor said anything to you about appropriate weight gain?" I could've smacked him. But my dr. says I'm on track, and in my What to Expect book, I look like the lady in the picture, so I feel like I'm fine. I personally think you look gorgeous, and I'm SO happy for you. :) Hey, try smacking a nosy stranger, and let me know if it feels good. :)"

"I feel you on not wanting to ask for help. I get fussed at all the time for doing things that I shouldn't have done. I would like to know just who is going to do the things that need to get done. Good luck in your adventure. It is amazing, and the end result is life-changing:)"

Also evidenced from all the mommy stories is the reward we receive after all the pain & discomfort we endure -- the most wonderful gift we could ever receive -- our baby. 

Being present for my sister's natural birth was the most beautiful moment I have ever experienced. 

So I've had a tiny glimpse of how magnificent mine will be. 

I'm completely aware that it will be the most pain I will ever go through, but I welcome it because of the joy that will come next.  So likewise, now I am living through occasional unpleasantness, but I am happy about it because of the prize that it will bring.

But I think it's still okay to bitch every once in awhile, for the sake of remembering the storm before the rainbow.  So I will do just that when it's especially bad and when I need validation that I'm not the only one.

And I will still very much appreciate the good comments way more than the rude ones. 

Like all the comments above.   Like when this adorable client of mine referred to my baby bump as teeny tiny.  A long lost friend of mine visiting for the holidays said it was so little & cute.  And then, as if he knew I needed to hear it (he hasn't read this blog yet), Marcus told me that I was a very sexy pregnant lady.

I know that some of our weight gain is in our control and that sometimes we make the wrong decisions with food & lack of exercise.  But now more than ever in our insecure lives, we need to be & are allowed to be told that we are beautiful.  So thank you to all the women & men out there who know & practice that pregnant girl rule.

Let's Get Physical

I worked out today!!!!!  I slept beautifully, woke up, read some emails, and I worked out! 

Perhaps I should tell you why this is such a milestone for me. 

Exercising and I have never really gotten along. 

My dad was an athlete as a young man - runner, Marines.  My older sister became an athlete.  Well, if you call running marathons athletic. The remaining 4 Kipapa children - pretty much nothing. 

This is what we liked to do instead.  I'm in the purple & pink.  I also had a very keen fashion sense growing up.

I played soccer for a year.  Then I got a job, and I had to quit soccer.  In college I took dance classes.  Loved those & I was the thinnest I've ever been.  After that, though, I have only made a few attempts to regularly exercise.  Mainly to lose weight but also to live a healthy lifestyle.  All attempts were failures...  Until about 4 months ago. 

I realized after studying my mind & body very closely, that I would only do well with personal training or group-oriented activity because of the pressure of working out with someone/lots of people.  Basically, I don't have sufficient motivation to get through it by myself.  Since I couldn't afford personal training (yet), I opted for group classes.  I joined a gym and began exercising almost every day!  I had my eating (& drinking) under control.  I was cooking healthy food, counting calories.

And then I discovered I was pregnant. 

I had to quit my gym because it was an athletic gym, and all of the classes I loved were too hard core for pregnancy.  I could walk on their treadmills, but I could also do that at my free apartment gym. 

I never did.  Anything.

After I regained some of my energy recently at my departure from the first trimester, and after my sister & my midwife & everyone on the internet told me I should start exercising...  I decided I should probably start.  Because it could reduce the chance of complications, it will help me feel better & look better, it will improve the speed of losing weight after birth, and it will help me with delivery.  Click here to read about it.  

So I ordered this Summer Saunders video, based on a recommendation from The Gaga Report. 

It's 50 minutes long, but it's great.  Summer is really cute.  She talks through the whole thing as she advises the pregos to do the same to make sure you're not working too hard.  And she's pregnant, which is so refreshing in a way.  It makes me think, "If she can do it, so can I."  I've seen a few workout videos where the hosts aren't pregnant, and maybe it shouldn't, but it just makes me mad & wonder if it's safe for pregnant girls to do all that stuff. 

I'm also very particular about the hosts in general.  If they are too mean, too monotone, too self-righteous, if they're voices are too deep, too high pitch, too soft, or not soothing enough, I won't be able to stand watching them.  Summer is not any of these; she is perfectly pleasant. 

Now here's the thing, I hate monotony which is why videos have never worked for me in the past.  I hate to watch or do the same thing over & over again.  So even though this video has a different workout for each trimester, I might have to rotate it with something new to keep from going crazy. 

This means I need to discover some more wonderful prenatal workout videos.  Please tell me about your favorites!  

Working out is one of many things that I failed to do properly in the past.  But I believe that since I have another life to worry about, I will begin to succeed in those things that affect that little life. 

And that's why today, I was so excited about working out. 

And why now I'm excited about going to sleep.

My Pregnant Girl Craving Theory

I think everyone's fascinated with pregnant girl cravings.  I definitely am.  Women talk about craving things they used to hate!  What's not interesting about that?  Some experts say it's our body's way of telling us we need certain nutrients.  Some say it's just an excuse for us to indulge. 

But the Kipapa mommies crave a little differently. 

First of all, we don't have the first trimester cravings because none of us having morning sickness.  Don't yell at me!  My sis & I think that we get punished in other ways like unusually frequent headaches & gas.  (Kinda like for me with drinking, I never got sick the night of drinking or the day after; I would just forget things all the time & have massive headaches the next day.)  

Then in the second trimester, so far anyway, cravings are minimal & mild.  I want brownies & ice cream, McDonalds, Taco Bell, Burger King, KFC, Chinese Buffet, casseroles, any American food, frito pie, soup, mashed potatoes & gravy.  The other day, I was in the store to buy only the ingredients for a dish I was testing for work, Poblano Corn Pudding, when I passed the pancake section.  Suddenly, I had to have some pancakes.  Donuts & cake sound amazing.  Right now, I would really like to have a bologna sandwich.

I didn't hate any of these things before; I just preferred other things.  I used to want cheesecake any day over brownies.  I never ever wanted pancakes or waffles for breakfast.  I could totally go without cooking casseroles for dinner. 

As I was contemplating these mysterious cravings, I realized what they all had in common...  They are all things I ate during my childhood.  The kicker that led to this revelation - why do I not want Mexican food (something I normally do crave), but I would kill for some Taco Bell?

So this is Jewel Kipapa's pregnant girl craving theory...  During pregnancy, your tastebuds become unsophisticated & for 6 months of your life will shrivel back to where they were 20 years ago.  Wow, that was a long time ago. 

So for me, that means no more steaks & seafood, fast food instead of gourmet food, simplistic instead of complex, brownies & ice cream instead of cheesecake, & ramen noodles above all else!  And guess what my favorite food as a child was... 

Uh huh.  Pickles.