Last Day of School

It's almost 5 in the morning, and I just finished my final exam for school.  My last task towards completing my Masters in Business. 

I poured myself a glass of wine.  You see, I've had some caffeine so I would like really really need something to counter the effects of the coffee, because I'm exhausted and I need to sleep.  After I drink the glass of wine.

More importantly, I've got to do something to celebrate.  Even though it's a ridiculous time of the night, some people's morning.  And even though there's no one to celebrate with.  Isaiah just went to sleep after I fed him while reading exam questions.  Marcus is passed out from working all day & has to be up early in the morning. 

I have an MBA.  Wow.  It means a lot and it doesn't at the same time.  I started the program to learn more about business, not because I thought I would use the degree.  Now I have a business, and I don't really feel like any of the knowledge has helped me or ever will.  But another degree is kindof cool. 

And even though I secretly looked into a blended online psychology degree while I was studying for this exam because I'm addicted to school, I'm thrilled it's over for now.  So I can focus all of my energy on my 3 new loves - my son, my family, and my business.

Worried About the Next Six Weeks

Isaiah is 6 weeks old!!! 

I have the go ahead to start exercising now, and I'm super excited because I'm feeling pretty not skinny these days. 

I also have the go ahead to have sex, BUT honestly I don't know if I'm ready for it.  This is quite unusual for me to say, because usually my sex drive is really really high, and I thought I would just be dying by now.  Six weeks is way longer than Marcus & I have ever gone without having sex.  But I'm feeling pretty emotionally vulnerable.  Fragile even.  I think I would be so happy if we could just cuddle. 

But even if I was ready, we probably wouldn't be able to find the time or the place.  Because let me tell you about what's going on...

We just picked up a new client that will be using us every weekday morning for the next six weeks.  We've never had anything that regular or often. 

We have several dinner events this month which is unusual.

I started my last eight week term on Monday, and it appears that it will be the most difficult yet.  We have been assigned teams, and I am stuck for the third time in the past two years, with the laziest asshole of a teammate. 

I haven't finished posting Isaiah's birth story yet!  I'm glad I posted a portion of it because I got distracted way more than I thought I would.

We have Marcus's five year old (I think I'll call him A from now on) for the month of July. 

And my mom went home today.  A quite sudden decision made during our recent weekend trip to Arkansas. 

Last week I was imagining my days without her, nursing & playing with Isaiah, & alternating between eating, sleeping & working while he slept.  I thought it would be difficult but possible.  Now I'm adding a five year old to that picture. 

I'm a little nervous about how we're going to handle it all. 

But we must.  And we will, splendidly I'm sure.  I hope. 

We can't have any problems with this cuteness in our house right?

There's Never Any Time

I'm so excited.  I'm so so scared.  Jessie Spano. 

I've been a little busy.  I can't really tell if my inability to accomplish all of my tasks has something to do with my pregnant self.  I've always had a few issues with procrastinating & the lack of focus, so I don't know what to blame.

I did learn today that it is impossible for me to be talking to someone & pay any kind of attention to anything else.  It happened several times, I'm having a conversation, and I do something with my keys or I put something in my purse.  Five minutes later when the conversation is over, I seriously don't know where my keys are.  Marcus is starting to anticipate the inevitable question, "Hunnie, have you seen my keys?"

Anyway, so I first got behind because I decided to wait some tables last weekend.  We needed some extra money, so I just jumped in there.  I might add that I jumped in there stupidly, as I picked up 6 shifts in 4 days, which is not the most intelligent thing to do while pregnant.  Why?  Hint...  It has something to do with all that extra weight running around a two story restaurant after not doing so for almost a year. 

I might give you my wisdom on waiting tables while pregnant at another date.  No time now. 

Because when I got done with all of that hard work, I had to rest.  Never slept so well in my life, even during my first trimester.  I hear I'll beat that record soon though, when I get to the last third.

Then I had to do homework. 

Then I had 3 events this week & many to plan for the next few weeks.  Also suddenly my boss needed all of these favors from me which required my visiting the restaurant.  I think he got used to my being there, he started thinking of all of things I could do for him. 

Then there is this blog of mine.  I wanted my next post to be brilliant & beautiful.  I wanted to talk about the humor & the drama of searching for a name for our little boy.  I wanted to write him a letter.  I wanted to discuss a lot of things.  But now, instead of those lots of things, I'm just writing something before I get too behind.  Before I get to that point where it's been so long, I get intimidated by it & take even longer to begin again. 

Even more pressing than recording my thoughts so I will one day remember what I was going through...  Moving.  Tomorrow I move apartments. 

This is a momentous move for a number of reasons.  First, I'm moving from across the street from my place of employment to 20 minutes away.  Bad because I won't get to walk to work anymore.  Good because it's cheaper and really beautiful.  Also we will be closer to my future stepson. 

It's a big deal because this will be the first time Marcus & I have lived together.  It's a huge step for us as he would NEVER leave his things here, so that he could avoid the stigma attached to "living with a girl."  (I think he created the stigma).  I haven't determined whether this is because he has commitment issues or because he wants to make his mother happy. 

I think it will be just fine.  I have observed that he is helpful both at home with his family & with me.  He is much cleaner than my current roomie maybe even cleaner than me. 

Although I am calm about the move, as I have done it before, he is probably not so calm. 

Because not only is he moving in with a girl for the first time, he is also moving away from home for the first time.  Yes, it is crazy.  He is 30 years old living with his parents.  He has had his reasons, some honorable & some lazy. 

We'll see how these firsts turn out.  Again, I am confident that we will be okay.  We share the same abilities to adapt to change, to use humor theraputically, and to generally avoid freaking out. 

Finally, the move is special because it will be the place where our son is born.  I had to walk around the potentials many times picturing myself in labor before I could determine which one was the right one.  And this is where he will spend his first 6 months of life. 

By the way, we have chosen a name, I'm just not ready to tell everyone.  But aren't the stories better already, just by talking about him? 

Many family members are arriving to help me move.  Aren't they the best?  It's sort of a tradition to help with big moves, and it is one that I will never take for granted again.  My mom, dad, & little sister are here now.  My big sister, her husband, & my nephew will be here in the morning.  I am sooooo blessed to have them here.  I tear up to imagine what I would do without them.

But there is no time for tears. 

Off to sleep because I read somewhere that I should get more of that these days.   Until the next one...