I Got Some Money Cause I Just Got Paid

Not really.  Cause I lost my job this week.  Four years of working for the same company, the longest I’ve ever worked for anyone, is over. 

I’m trying not to freak out.  I promised Isaiah that I wouldn’t.  That I would remain positive for him. 

But I’m a little glad that I can freak out internally, without my heart beating faster, without my breath getting shorter, without any physical symptoms of the freakout (that I know of).  Because I think I need to freak out a little right now. 

We were already having difficulty.  And now, well, I don’t know how we’re going to pay our bills, much less buy things for our little one’s arrival.  I hear lots of stories of moms getting everything ready around this time.  I have nothing. 

I tried to get another job within our company.  No one needs anyone.  And I don’t want to look outside of the company because I don’t think I would be a good candidate to be a waitress 2 1/2 months before I’m supposed to give birth. 

But that’s all for the negative comments.  I hate whining. 

See, I know everything is going to work out.  Somehow, it will all be fine.  My bills (the ones that are required to keep my electricity & water on) will be paid.  And my baby will have clothes and diapers and a place to sleep. 

Marcus’s job is beginning to get better, and this week he was approached by a recruiter for a job in home health marketing.  A year ago, I would have told him to refuse this offer of a stable benefit providing job because it doesn’t fit into his long term goals.  But now, I welcome anything that can be put in the same sentence with stable & steady, consistent & dependable. 

As for me, I will be filing unemployment for the first time in my life and finally pursuing the entrepreneurial aspirations of mine.  Maybe not the best time for this in many people’s eyes.  But when is the best time?  After I give birth, when I can’t afford childcare?  Six months after? 

Maybe the best time is when there is nothing else I can do. 

We shall see.  In my eyes it is the most promising option.