My Difficult Day with BB

Whenever BB doesn't see us for awhile, he has a very bad attitude.  I don't know if it's just his way of displaying his feelings of confusion & anger about the whole situation or showing that he misses us.  Or maybe he blames us for not coming to see him more often.  I don't know what it is, but it happens every time we go longer than a week without seeing him.  Unfortunately for everyone, that's going to happen all summer long.

For some reason the general custody orders have the summer arranged so that the every Thursday visit disappears.  Marcus & BB's mother have never headed this guideline though because they've always felt like BB shouldn't go a long time without seeing either of them.  Until this year, suddenly she decided to follow that rule.  Of course we didn't know this until we drove an hour to see him, & they weren't there.  When we messaged her & asked where they were, her answer was, is something wrong?

So two weeks have passed since we last saw him.  Last night he went swimming with his dad & brother while I babysat for a friend.  Today Marcus went to run errands near his parents' house, and he left the boys with me. 

Our angry day began when I asked BB to put away the balls he took out earlier.  Isaiah got a bag of 100 plastic balls for his birthday, and every time BB wants to play with them, the deal is that he has to put them all away.  He refused.  But I don't want to.  I reminded him of the deal.  But I don't want to.  I told him that that was fine, but he wouldn't get to play with the iPad if he didn't put them away.  Then he got up & sluggishly began to pick up the balls.  Probably 1 per minute.  Then I gave him a time limit.  When the timer went off, if all the balls weren't put away, then he wouldn't get to play with the iPad for the rest of the day.  He didn't get any faster. 

The timer eventually went off with only about 20 balls in the bag.  So I started putting the balls away.  He stopped.  Then I reminded him that because I was putting the balls away instead of him, that meant no iPad for the rest of the day.  Sulk sulk sulk.  Then it took him about an hour to put on his clothes because he was sulking.  Finally I convinced him that we should get excited about going to look for a present for his daddy & that we could still have a fun day if we all had a good attitude.  

That worked until we got to Dick's Sporting Goods, & the first thing he did was look for a hat for himself.  A shirt that would fit him.  I reminded him that this was a shopping trip for Father's Day so we would be buying things for the fathers not us.  He kept looking for things in the kid's section of the Mav's gear, hoping I would change my mind.  He saw an even bigger kid's section downstairs & asked if we could go down there.  When I said no, he strolled Isaiah to the escalator & started to go down.  I scolded him.  He folded his arms.  But I want to go down there. 

I know BB, but sometimes we don't get what we want.  Today, we're here to get your daddy a present.  Not you.

We went to the golf section, and he ran to the golf bags.  Jewels I want one. 

BB those bags are for golf clubs.  You don't have any golf clubs.

But I want one.

You don't have any clubs to put in it. 

Then he walked to the kids clubs.  Well let's get these then.  Of course I said no.  This time he crawled underneath a golf club display, sat down & put his head in his knees. 

 I tried to explain that our daddy's spend every day of the year taking care of us, buying us things, feeding us, loving us, supporting us & that tomorrow is the one day that we all show them that we are thankful for everything that they do.  So you are going to get up, push your brother around & help me find something that will show your daddy how much we love him. 

He got up, but my speech didn't really work.  Shortly afterwards he crawled back behind some clothes, & I had to tell him that I was going to call his daddy & tell him he needed a spanking when he got home.  That scared him into at least following me instead of crawling into every corner of the store.  I decided on some things, we checked out & left the store. 

On the way home I tried to talk to him about what Jesus teaches about giving & loving one another.  He refused to acknowledge that I was talking.

When we got home, a Lady Gaga song was playing, & he pretended like nothing happened.  We went inside, we chose an animal documentary to watch together, I made him a PB&J, & Isaiah napped. 

When that documentary was over he chose another show.  I said wait we have to decide on one together.  He got really upset again.  But I want to watch Johnny Test!  I repeated that we had to choose something that we would both want to watch.  He started sulking again.  Do you want to choose together or do you want me to choose without you? 

I want to watch Johnny Test.  

Do you want to help me choose? 

No!!! 

So I took the remote away from him & chose something I wanted to watch.  He started throwing things one at a time.  So I told him he needed to go to my room (Isaiah was still asleep in the other) & sit for awhile.  He started crying & screaming no no no, I don't want to!  He wouldn't go on his own so I picked him up & put him on my bed & shut the door. 

He cried for about 20 minutes & then went sleep.

Going to the Chapel

I went to church on New Year’s Eve.

I was pretty upset when the boyfriend made his decision, but it was also his birthday, so wasn’t going to bitch on his birthday. 

I have nothing against church at all, but church on New Year’s Eve??  Why?

I found out why.  I’m happy to know that there is historical significance.  It’s a traditional service called Watch Night.  Origins can go all the way back to early Christians in Germany in 1732, but the tradition is mostly still practiced by African Americans because of 1862, when slaves gathered at churches and homes awaiting the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation, signed on January 1st, 1863. 

It began at 10:00 PM.  There were lots of people there, adults & children.  The preacher opened with inviting five people to share their testimonies.  The first lady got up there and started telling us about a wreck she got in, how she could have gotten killed, but God saved her. 

Then she yelled, “And then the system fucked me over!” 

Half the crowd was silent in shock, the other half was whispering & booing.  She tried to keep going.  An usher came & whispered something in her ear & walked her back to her seat. 

Someone else stood up to speak, but the lady kept yelling out things.  The preacher told her she would be escorted out if she continued.  She went crazy, angry at the church for trying to control her.  She must have been drunk.  A bunch of big guys came & escorted her to the lobby.  Her family followed.

Amusing beginning.

Then came the choirs, choirs from churches all over the area.  That was my favorite part.  One song was so beautiful, I cried.  It was quite a moment.

When the song was over, I grabbed my boyfriend’s hand to confirm that we were sharing the moment.  It was different for him though, because he placed my hand back in my own lap. 

Then it was over for me.  The tears kept coming.  Through the rest of the music.  Through the sermon.  Through 12:00 & 12:01 when Marcus gave me a hug instead of a kiss.  Practically all the way until 1:30 AM when the service ended. 

Holidays are a little emotional for me.  Christmas, my birthday, and New Year’s Eve.  I want to be with people I love, not a bunch of strangers, even if they compose my “heavenly family.”  He would have been sufficient, but I felt like he was their with them, not me. 

Plus this is the fourth New Year’s I’ve known him.  The first I didn’t even think of him.  The second I was working and he was off celebrating his birthday at a nearby club.  The third, I was in a hotel room in Grenada, Mississippi having Christmas with my family the night before my little brother’s wedding.  I probably cried every one of those nights because I didn’t get the special kiss you’re supposed to get on New Year’s, the kiss that says What a year, and I want to share the next with you too.  I was hoping for one this year, the first we’ve been together.  I don’t know which is worse, not being with him, or being beside him & feeling he’s not there. 

I thought about our future and if I was going to have to adjust to all New Year’s Eves being like this one.  Especially next year, when I have a six month old that I won’t want to leave with anyone or take with me anywhere.  Will I be staying at home alone while he goes & celebrates his birthday at the club, at a party with friends, or at church? 

He asked me what was wrong.  But he didn’t understand when I told him.  We didn’t talk about it after that because I was too sad.  And I’m sure he was angry that I was sad over something so silly.  Also I think he was a little depressed about turning 30, and maybe subconsciously he didn’t want to be communicative about anything. 

So much for my being unselfish on his birthday.  I cried through the whole thing.

This year I discovered three holiday marital issues we will have.  Telling our kids about Santa (I vehemently don’t want to do it), where to spend Christmas morning (This year worked out, but I’m sure in the future, he’ll want it to be at his house), and where to spend New Year’s Eve.  Our opposing opinions are very important to both of us.  How will we decide?

And now...  More pictures from Christmas...

We found out how great of an uncle my brother is! 

My little sister & brother.  Can you tell we're related?

I know, I know, we look fabulous.

Family pic.  I think My brother-in-law & nephew win the best looking at 8am award.

He loves his, as stepson to-be would call it, tapstick.

He was trying so hard to smile.

There you go!

It took us about 20 takes to get him to keep the hat on.

The end!!! 

Christmas Number Two

Now this is what I'm talking about.  Stopping for pictures with your new gifts.  Laughing & laughing about reactions and reasons for getting certain things. 

This is Marcus and his son with matching hats my mom made for them.  Very fitting too, considering the recent hunting trip.  Stepson can't wait to go with his daddy when he is ten. 

We drove down to Houston on Monday afternoon.  I promised I would drive, but then Marcus was a sweetie pie and drove the whole way there & back.

We asked my stepson when he thought we should open presents, that night or the next morning?  Tonight, tonight, tonight!

My sister & her hubby cooked us some delicious steaks, and then presents were opened. 

It was a great year for us.  We have had lots of what we call broke Christmases.  But this year, even though personally, I didn't spend as much on gifts as I normally do, I was very pleased with the results.  I think a lot had to do with my decision to shop online this year.  More family members were able to participate in the giving part.  And Marcus wasn't expecting anything, but he kept getting stuff that he loved.  So I think everyone felt like it was a very generous gift portion of Christmas. 

Thanks family! 

That was a hat from my brother. 

We had so much fun!  Lots of movies & game playing as usual. 

The only thing that was missing was our other little brother who couldn't get off work until next week.  So we shall see pictures of him & his family later. 

In this post are only pictures of the first night.  I have tons more which I will either post in the photo gallery or elsewhere.  I just wanted to get something out there as I believe I'm quite behind on anything that could be considered productive.  I might get behind even more because it's Marcus's 30th today, New Year's Eve!  Then the brother is coming to visit.  I don't think I've hung out with family this much in years! 

And as for the New Year...  I don't really believe in resolutions because I think I should constantly be evaluating my goals rather than setting them once a year. 

I do believe in reflecting a little.  I think I'll always be disappointed in my career progress regardless of how far I am.  But this year, I took a very interesting and large step in my career and love that I did so.  And also this year I started dating my friend of 3 years and then got pregnant with his baby.  That was a pretty big deal.  I have a feeling 2010 will be even bigger.  Cheers to my baby! 

I also believe in toasts...  So to all the families & families to be out there -- may your journey towards & through parenthood be a life-changing & beautiful one.  Happy New Year!!! 

Christmas Number One

After all the presents were opened.  All the gifts were given.  The room seemed empty & lifeless.   A wedding reception after the bride & groom and the guests leave abruptly, and all that's left is the mess and the caterers. 

I always I get a little sad at this moment on Christmas.  All that anticipation... 

I'm pretty good at gifts, and every year I hope someone will challenge my skills, but they never do.  I know it's selfish to think such things, so after that moment of sadness, I tell myself it's not about me, it's not about me.  Then the sadness goes away.  We eat and watch movies and all go on with our lives. 

Not this year though.  It wasn't a gift that changed things.  I think it had something to do with whom I was spending my Christmas.  And I'm not sure if I've ever felt that way before. 

First Marcus came & picked me up during some bad weather because I was afraid to drive. 

Over the course of two days, he cooked for the entire family several times.  He wouldn't let me lift a finger. 

Whenever he walked by, he kissed my forehead. 

He talked to our baby. 

I lay my head on a pillow on the couch, and he put my feet on the couch & covered me with a blanket.   

Maybe he was trying to impress his mom.  Whatever his motivation, I don't care.  He made me feel loved.  

I guess it was a gift that deterred the recurring moment of sadness.  Just an intangible one.   

Sweet Potatoes, Birds & Hookahs

Today my parents met Marcus's parents for the first time.  It was amusing.  Our dads were talking politics, I swear in less than 5 minutes of our arrival.  My mom kept his mom company in the kitchen while last minute preparations were being made.  There was lots of talk about sweet potatoes & purple potatoes.

We had a lovely prayer & a lovely meal together.  Laughter filled the house all day.  My future stepson lay across my legs as I napped during Chicken Little.

My boyfriend did all the things I have been missing lately...  He touched my belly, whispered to our baby, whispered to me that he loved me, and he held me.

And then my future mother-in-law made my dad promise we would take one car to Houston that night. 

Thanks Mom-to-be.

Then we saw Hitchcock worthy birds.

My little sis carried my bags & let me put my legs in her lap, reminding me that there are a few perks to being pregnant.  And my daddy drove the whole way. 

We stopped at a gas station that sold bongs & pipes & hookahs.  My dad didn't know the difference, so he asked the attendant to explain it.  Then the music started bumpin.  Club headshop gas station.

And now I'm in Houston typing in the dark about to go to sleep in a comfy bed.  Looking forward to more days with family, a third Thanksgiving meal, relaxation, & playtime with my favorite nephew. 

And even though my boy isn't close beside me, I am happy to know that he is somewhere loving me, and I am thankful that I have other loved ones here.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving.