Awww Hunnie Hunnie

I didn't want Isaiah to have a ton of sweets or junk food in general in his early months.  His father, unfortunately for me, completely disagrees, so occasionally he gives Isaiah french fries, ice cream, and whatever he wishes.  His babysitter's have admitted to feeding him cake & cookies.  And his grandparents have given him cookie dough.  I evidently lost the battle already, so I try not to get upset anymore when Marcus sneaks something by me.  But it still bothers me a little, especially since if you give him one bite, he starts screaming & screaming if you don't give him another one...  Quickly.  Here he is after Marcus decided to feed him a snow cone. 

End of an Era

Several weeks ago, we began the end of breastfeeding.  It started with a week of really low milk supply.  When I tried the things I normally try when my supply was low (more sleep, more food, more water, more feeding) & they didn't work, I thought I was pregnant.  That's one of the reasons I came to terms with the possibility of having another baby sooner than later. 

But I started my period a week later.  I decided that perhaps I was sooo low because of something hormonal with PMS.  Whatever the reason, that week I unintentionally began the process of weening Isaiah.  My supply came back probably stronger than before, but we kept giving him formula during the day at the babysitter's. 

I wanted to make it a year.  But...  Work was becoming more mentally demanding.  I needed to sleep less & drink coffee more.  The coffee I think was affecting his sleep, even though I tried not to feed him for hours afterwards.  Sometimes I would forget to eat. 

I pumped once instead of twice during that time & started storing the milk with the intention of continuing a little breast milk when I was completely out. 

For work reasons I probably would have stopped more abruptly, but I still had milk, my baby still wanted it, and I still loved that special time we had together.

Two nights in a row last week, he screamed & screamed because I didn't have enough milk.  I knew the end was near.  I stopped pumping completely during the day.  I would still feed him when I got home...  Until yesterday.  For some reason, towards the end of the day, when he was fussy, and I knew he was hungry, and I tried to feed him, he kept biting me!  Each time, my face became extremely stern, and I said, "No Isaiah, no biting."  And his face immediately (almost before I reacted even) turned into a sad sad face & then he wailed.  I really hate it when he frowns! 

His daddy made him a bottle, and he was happy.  I fed him once in the morning, when I was too lazy to make him a bottle, and I guess he was too sleepy to bite me again. 

Oh Isaiah, I guess you're done with me??  Thanks for making me not feel so bad for quitting.

Milk in a Bottle

I don't see my son drink out of a bottle very much.  So the other day when he was not only holding the bottle by himself, but he was taking it out of his mouth AND putting it back in, I was thrilled.  I took pictures & a video & sent them to Marcus.  He said he's been doing that for many months now. 

Why was he drinking out of a bottle in my care?  Well...  For some reason last week I was really low on milk.  I tried everything to get my supply back up - sleeping more, eating more, pumping & feeding more, fenugreek, this other stuff I bought, but my baby kept acting like he wasn't getting enough.  I got frustrated after several days & decided to give up.  I was doing everything I could, and I still only had one bag of milk to take to the babysitter's Monday morning. 

So we fed him some formula.  I kept pumping occasionally when I got full of milk, many hours later than usual.

I felt guilty.  And sad - I cried a little feeding him a bottle because he never looked into my eyes.  But I also felt relieved that I wouldn't be constantly worrying about my milk supply & when I would pump & whether or not he is getting enough.  And then I felt guilty again. 

And I'm pretty much feeling those same feelings right now.  I pumped two bags yesterday, but I need three to take him to the babysitter's, so he will be accompanied by breastmilk & formula today.