Happy Birthday to Me

Yesterday was my birthday. 

I just wanted to relax.  Marcus took Isaiah with him to BB's (big brother) soccer game & their cousin's football game while I slept.  That was amazing.  I haven't slept without baby around since my mom was here when she used to take over in the morning after I hadn't slept all night.  I mean I get way more sleep now at nights, but there are still interruptions, so it was nice to have none.

Then I went to Bliss to get a little something cleaned up.  Then a pedicure.  Then a little tanning.  All things I haven't done since the baby was born.  Then Marcus & I went to see a few of our friends on Henderson Avenue.  I was disappointed in the food, but it's normally fantastic, and the good company far outweighed the food.  I had a few cocktails, but I should have stuck with vino.  What was I thinking?  Wine always makes me the happiest.  The outing was brief, but it was perfect that way because I hadn't seen my baby in 12 hours! 

I was torn about that.  I was sad about it, but very pleased that I had some time to myself.  Does that make me a bad mommy? 

The only thing missing in the day was more friends, pictures (I forgot to take them), & a little cheesecake or ice cream.  Maybe I'll get some today. 

I turned 28 years old.  I am not afraid to disclose my age.  I love getting older because the older I get, the wiser, the richer, & the happier I get. 

I used to get a little upset that I hadn't accomplished more by now.  But I compared myself to the 21 year old millionaires & the 25 year olds that had started a family & became CEOs of really successful companies. 

And I still have a few things I regret like my debt mostly.  Because of it I don't own a house yet, and I really wanted to own one or two or three by now.  But I think I'll still do that by 30. 

But over all I think I'm blessed to be where I am.  I have a business that is on its way to being successful.  I'm on a path to marry the man I love.  We live comfortably enough.  And we have a beautiful baby boy. 

Life is good.

Going to the Chapel

I went to church on New Year’s Eve.

I was pretty upset when the boyfriend made his decision, but it was also his birthday, so wasn’t going to bitch on his birthday. 

I have nothing against church at all, but church on New Year’s Eve??  Why?

I found out why.  I’m happy to know that there is historical significance.  It’s a traditional service called Watch Night.  Origins can go all the way back to early Christians in Germany in 1732, but the tradition is mostly still practiced by African Americans because of 1862, when slaves gathered at churches and homes awaiting the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation, signed on January 1st, 1863. 

It began at 10:00 PM.  There were lots of people there, adults & children.  The preacher opened with inviting five people to share their testimonies.  The first lady got up there and started telling us about a wreck she got in, how she could have gotten killed, but God saved her. 

Then she yelled, “And then the system fucked me over!” 

Half the crowd was silent in shock, the other half was whispering & booing.  She tried to keep going.  An usher came & whispered something in her ear & walked her back to her seat. 

Someone else stood up to speak, but the lady kept yelling out things.  The preacher told her she would be escorted out if she continued.  She went crazy, angry at the church for trying to control her.  She must have been drunk.  A bunch of big guys came & escorted her to the lobby.  Her family followed.

Amusing beginning.

Then came the choirs, choirs from churches all over the area.  That was my favorite part.  One song was so beautiful, I cried.  It was quite a moment.

When the song was over, I grabbed my boyfriend’s hand to confirm that we were sharing the moment.  It was different for him though, because he placed my hand back in my own lap. 

Then it was over for me.  The tears kept coming.  Through the rest of the music.  Through the sermon.  Through 12:00 & 12:01 when Marcus gave me a hug instead of a kiss.  Practically all the way until 1:30 AM when the service ended. 

Holidays are a little emotional for me.  Christmas, my birthday, and New Year’s Eve.  I want to be with people I love, not a bunch of strangers, even if they compose my “heavenly family.”  He would have been sufficient, but I felt like he was their with them, not me. 

Plus this is the fourth New Year’s I’ve known him.  The first I didn’t even think of him.  The second I was working and he was off celebrating his birthday at a nearby club.  The third, I was in a hotel room in Grenada, Mississippi having Christmas with my family the night before my little brother’s wedding.  I probably cried every one of those nights because I didn’t get the special kiss you’re supposed to get on New Year’s, the kiss that says What a year, and I want to share the next with you too.  I was hoping for one this year, the first we’ve been together.  I don’t know which is worse, not being with him, or being beside him & feeling he’s not there. 

I thought about our future and if I was going to have to adjust to all New Year’s Eves being like this one.  Especially next year, when I have a six month old that I won’t want to leave with anyone or take with me anywhere.  Will I be staying at home alone while he goes & celebrates his birthday at the club, at a party with friends, or at church? 

He asked me what was wrong.  But he didn’t understand when I told him.  We didn’t talk about it after that because I was too sad.  And I’m sure he was angry that I was sad over something so silly.  Also I think he was a little depressed about turning 30, and maybe subconsciously he didn’t want to be communicative about anything. 

So much for my being unselfish on his birthday.  I cried through the whole thing.

This year I discovered three holiday marital issues we will have.  Telling our kids about Santa (I vehemently don’t want to do it), where to spend Christmas morning (This year worked out, but I’m sure in the future, he’ll want it to be at his house), and where to spend New Year’s Eve.  Our opposing opinions are very important to both of us.  How will we decide?

And now...  More pictures from Christmas...

We found out how great of an uncle my brother is! 

My little sister & brother.  Can you tell we're related?

I know, I know, we look fabulous.

Family pic.  I think My brother-in-law & nephew win the best looking at 8am award.

He loves his, as stepson to-be would call it, tapstick.

He was trying so hard to smile.

There you go!

It took us about 20 takes to get him to keep the hat on.

The end!!!