Sixteen Days
Friday, June 11, 2010 at 12:37AM I think I shafted a part of the mothering process in my last post. I talked about losing sleep, but I don’t think I gave this difficult part justice. Because the next few days after that post were much worse. I guess it wasn’t really the sleep deprivation. It was just everything.
Isaiah cried much more after we got him circumcised. Understandably, poor little thing! So I was sad every time I changed his diaper. And afterwards. And before.
Marcus worked that night, and he always works really late, getting home around 2am. And the next night for some reason he decided he would go have some drinks with his work friends & again came home after 2am. Right after I talked about how helpful he had been! And then the next night he took his 5 year old to his parents’ house so he could go fishing with them the next day, and he ended up staying the night. The days weren’t difficult because my mom was there. But three nights in a row, I was by myself with his painful incessant cries. When I tried to talk to Marcus about it, he said he understood but acted annoyed that I was talking. I realize that it only felt worse because these three events just happened to occur back to back. But it still felt like I was being abandoned.
I was exhausted and sad. I don’t remember anyone talking about how difficult the first few weeks were. Maybe they told me, and I didn’t listen? I called my sister to see how things were for her. They were a blur, she said. She remembers crying a lot, dreading falling asleep, knowing she would be woken up in the middle of the night to feed him. She remembers being mean to my mom, who was there to help her too; she refused to accept her help. But she assured me that it gets better. Maybe it was a blur to her because afterwards it was so rewarding.
For me, it did immediately begin getting better.
Marcus, Isaiah, his big brother, and I went to brunch Sunday, an old tradition with an old friend that was in town. And lots of old friends came to see her off & to meet Isaiah. It was the first time I fixed my hair & put on makeup since before the birth. It felt good to be out, to see everyone, to be surrounded by loved ones. I was really nervous about the possibility of having to breastfeed in public, but he slept the whole time!
We didn’t have any events this week, so Marcus was around mostly during the day. That helped. I guess I’m okay when I feel like we’re doing this together.
My friend Trisha let us borrow The Happiest Baby on the Block, and that has helped significantly at times. He has healed from the circumcision, so it seems like there is less crying. And also, I bought a sling. I am sooo far away from being able to use it properly, but Isaiah & I already love it. He falls asleep almost immediately after getting in, and I love that he is close to me. I can feel him breathing as I type now.
Reader Comments (2)
you're already doing so much more for your child than a lot of other mothers are. great job, REALLY! i understand your frustration with marcus but also it's his 3rd. he's a pro by now and probably doesnt feel the need to be there all the time like first time dads and most moms do, you know? the sling is a lifesaver. i prepared and ate most of my meals with soph asleep in it. i still use it when we go for walks with the dog or when she's teething and wants to be held. the first few weeks are definately a blur and really hard. it gets a lot better. i get sad when i notice how big sophie is getting but she also gets more fun so i guess that's the trade off of seeing your babies grow up. lets get together soon! i dont know why we never became friends really at cuba.
Hey, girl- the first 3 weeks were torturous for me at times. I was very weepy, and I think I had a melt-down every time Kira would spit up, which was a lot, because I couldn't seem to burp her properly at first. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed that precious time, but it wasn't easy. Things are definitely easier now (8 weeks). There's a rhythm to this eat-sleep-play business, and I think it takes a while to find the beat. I have LOVED keeping up with you and Isaiah- please keep writing!