Mommi Jewel

Yesterday we went to the doctor.  This would be visit number 2.  Last week we went for our second midwife visit.  We're double checking his healthiness level.  It's high. 

I wanted to video tape the visit, because it was his first round of shots.  But of course, the Flip my dad gave me & my camera were both out of batteries.  Good thing I had my iPhone.

Turns out someone else was the star of the show that day.  Little A.  He was in a horrible mood, so upset that his daddy was making him wear his hat.

But after taking a few moments...

And giving his little brother some love...

And hanging out with the boys...

He was happy again.

Just in time to put on a show for the ladies.  Isaiah's doctor is A's doctor too, so he knew he had to be a good little boy for her.  And every single lady we saw (about 20) told him how much they loved his hat.

Isaiah got his shots, and he screamed, and it was sad.  But then, right after this picture, he passed out in his daddy's arms. 

It's been almost 2 weeks since I've written a post.  Who knows how long since I've written a post about the present day.  I haven't really been feeling it.  The motivation isn't the problem.  My growing little man is all the motivation in the world.  It's just that time, or the lack of it, has been kicking my ass.  Sorry, couldn't think of any other effective word.  So many things have happened.  I went to work.  Several times.  Isaiah has passed the 2 month mark.  He is going to his second doctor's appointment tomorrow.  He slept through a night.  He's getting chubby.

All this is happening, and writing about it is seeming like an assignment or something to mark off my to do list.  So when I have free time...  Oh wait, I don't have any of that.  When I get my priorities straight & start wanting to record the awesomeness of motherhood, I will begin again. 

Until then...  Photographic highlights of the last month.  More here.

Our first doctor's appointment.  One shot down.  More tomorrow!

He was loving it for a second.

In Arkansas for Marcus's family reunion.

This is how it was the whole trip.  Lots of babysitters!

The sling was a must have for his first church visit!

I didn't mean to make this his 4th of July outfit.

One of the first smiles caught on camera.

In the middle of errand day.  Stopped at Houlihans for lunch.

His first restaurant kitchen experience.

I can't even believe how cute this is.

He loves being a big brother.

He loves his daddy.

Bathtime!!!

... continued from here...

It has been a long time since I started the story, so I will remind you that at this point...  I have been in active labor since somewhere between 5 & 6 in the morning.  I've been having bloody show for hours, & my midwife is on the way!

I got out of the tub & began walking.  I was afraid this would slow things down, but it made them immediately faster.  Every time I started walking, a contraction would start.  They were coming about every 2 minutes now.

Sarah & her apprentice Abigail arrived at about 12:30pm.  We had met Abigail on the previous prenatal visit.  She was kindhearted and knowledgable, and we were lucky to have her assistance.  Soon after they arrived, a contraction began, Sarah quickly got behind me & put pressure somewhere on my back.  She talked me through it, reminding me to relax my whole body, my jaw, my hands.  Her soothing voice and hands were magical.  There was a remarkable difference between the contractions before & after she arrived.

She then instructed me to lie on the bed, so she could check my progress and Isaiah’s heartbeat.  He sounded healthy.  I confessed that I was afraid of her checking me, because what if I wasn’t very far along?  I feared that she would tell me I was only 2 or 3 centimeters dilated.  Big sis, my mom, and Sarah all guessed I would be around 4 or 5.  Then she went in.  With a shocked voice, she said, “Jewel, I can’t believe it, you are so far along already.  You are between 7 & 8 centimeters dilated.  Let’s say 7 to be safe.”  Hell yes. 

I was so relieved, maybe even elated.  Especially after Sarah kept saying how shocked and impressed she was.  She was really good at making me feel good about myself.  After this experience, I think this is a required skill of midwifery.

Sarah instructed Abigail to call the assistant midwife & Keri, the photographer.

Because I didn’t remember the last time I had eaten, she told me I needed to eat something now, since we didn’t know how much time would remain until delivery.  I needed energy, so water & food were a must.  I moved the ball into the kitchen/dining area all the way to the bar, so I could have something to hold onto during contractions.  My mom & sisters made me a plate with a half a sandwich & a glass of white grape juice.  I didn’t feel like eating anything, but I followed instructions.  I also wanted to taste my cheesecake to make sure it had turned out well.  I took a bite & gave the rest to Marcus.  It was better than the last time I made it.  It was a success. 

Sarah asked if I wanted to go somewhere quieter to labor, but I was good around everyone.  I liked the energy of the room & thought it would be more memorable then anywhere else.  My sisters & mom were in the kitchen preparing food for everyone, while the midwives were walking around preparing items for the birth.  Sarah occasionally sat behind me & put pressure on my back during contractions.  I asked her to teach Marcus how, and he took her place.  She also instructed him to fill up a metal water bottle with hot water, and she taught him how to rub that against my lower back.  The combination of heat & pressure was pretty amazing too. 

I would announce when a contraction was starting, and everyone would go silent.  My little sister kept talking until my older sister scolded her.  I’m not sure whether I hated the talking as much as she did during labor, but I appreciated her concern.  I guess it helped to have silence in order to focus on my breathing. 

The remaining members of my birth team arrived.  Here is where the pictures begin.  I forget why now, but we moved into the bedroom.  There I would lean against pillows on the edge of my bed while I bounced on the ball through contractions.

Marcus sat behind me on the love seat.  And thanks to him, amidst the pain & seriousness of the contractions, there were still many amusing & pleasant moments.

Everyone else stayed out in the living area; not sure what they were doing.  Big sis eventually came in to take Marcus’s place putting pressure with the hot water bottle.  They were pretty strong at this point, but they still weren’t as close together as desired.  Sarah instructed me to stand up, lean against the bed and sway my hips back & forth. Not as awesome as the ball, but it wasn’t bad, and since she said it would help Isaiah move down, I was all for it. 

Then she told me to rub my breasts during the next contraction.  But it seemed inconvenient in that position, and I forgot once the contraction started.  So she explained to Marcus & I that we needed to go through a few contractions on the toilet.  This would further entice the baby to make his descent down the birth canal.  And we were instructed to perform some breast stimulation to bring the contractions closer together.

For some reason, the toilet part terrified me.  I don’t know if I was scared that Isaiah would come out in the toilet.  Or if the pressure was just stronger here.  It just seemed so inevitable. 

My fear was justified.  But I still can’t really pinpoint what was so horrible about it.  We discovered later that this was the worst part for both me & Marcus.  And the contractions definitely got closer!  Back to back.  No break.  I could only handle about 5 of them like this.  I had to get up during the 6th contraction.  I rushed to finish it on the ball.  The pressure was incredible, & I thought I felt something pushing outwards as I sat on the ball.  I told Sarah I felt like I needed to push. 

She led me to the bed & gave me several options of pushing positions.  I could lie on my side, stand up, squat, or be on my hands & knees.  I picked the last one & took my place on the bed.  Pillows surrounded my head for me to hold onto. 

Someone brilliantly thought to play the music on the playlist on which I worked so diligently.  Between contractions, I awkwardly explained to my little sister how to hook up the speakers to my iPod.  The music was calming & appropriate.  I remember Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova & Snow Patrol.  It wasn’t on shuffle like it should have been, but I couldn’t say it out loud for some reason.

The contractions now were so strong & hard.  But not enough.  Sarah told me & Marcus to go back in the bathroom.  No, not again!  Very reluctantly we did.  And we did what we did before.  It was just as horrible.  I really felt like something was going to come out.  I didn’t want to continue.  Sarah came in this time & asked me to reach down & see if I could feel his head.  I felt something. 

Back to the bed.  Back on my hands & knees.  She was going to check my progress now.  She was shocked.  I was fully dilated & effaced, she could feel my water sac & his head, and we were ready to have a baby! 

The next contraction held off just long enough for Sarah to explain what to do next.  She told me that with the next contraction I was supposed to push as hard as I could, not letting anything come out of my mouth or my nose like I had been doing.  I am so thankful that she told me it was going to feel like the biggest bowel movement I’ve ever had.  But I wasn’t to worry because the sensation didn’t necessarily meant that I would have one. 

I was squeezing the pillows & Marcus’s hands.  He was leaning over the side of the bed huddled up beside me, telling me how great I was doing & how wonderful I was.  I couldn’t smile in response or talk back to him, but I was so grateful that he was there, saying those things.

That next contraction came, and I pushed just like I was told.  Just like I watched the moms do on all the videos I watched.  My water broke.  It gushed everywhere in several stages.  I could hear people exclaim that it was a lot of water.  Then they told me they could see his head.  Marcus ran back to see & then rushed back to my side.  I kept pushing, and they told me his head was out.  Sarah yelled at me to stop pushing.  Slow down, she said, just breathe.  I did, and that was the weirdest feeling ever because I could feel him moving out slowly with every breath.  I had no choice but to breathe very shallow breaths like you see in the movies.  Then she told me to push again.  Marcus left me & took his position at the other end.  I pushed again, and he was out! 

I heard exclamations of wonder & joy.  I didn’t make any myself.  I felt like I was just observing.  Except for any primal sounds of pain, I was quietly listening to what was happening behind me.  Until Sarah told me to reach below my belly because she was going to pass my baby between my legs.  Like a football.  The cord was apparently shorter than usual.    I reached for him, the pass was complete.  Then I turned over so I could lie down on my back.  Someone pulled up my dress so he could lie skin to skin on my chest. 

My emotions were too overwhelming to feel.  I think I was more in shock than anything.  I just pushed a baby out of me.  My baby.  Isaiah.  He was just lying there in front of me.  And he was beautiful. 

 Marcus cut the cord.

Isaiah & I learned how to breastfeed for the first time.  My big sister fed me a little & gave me some water.  Sarah explained in detail what they could determine from examining my placenta.  I really wish I had this part recorded because I thought it was fascinating, but I can’t remember anything she said. 

Isaiah & I got in the herbal bath together.  I held him with his head just above the water so he could stay warm.  We both just looked at each other, absorbing our new worlds. 

There was examining & measuring...

Joy, amazement, wonder & thankfulness...  Isaiah made it safely into the world.

I was in labor for about 9 hours.  I pushed for 11 minutes.  I feel so lucky to have had the experience I did.  I don't know what I would have done if the pushing lasted hours like it does for some.

It seemed like everything happened at once.  I felt like I was going through motions that I had read about & watched.  Like I was listening & doing, just doing.  I wish I could more insightfully explain my experience of giving birth, but it’s so hard for me to explain what it was like and how I felt.  Afterward, as much as I contemplated my thought process & how to tell my story, the only word that ever popped in my head was “natural.”  It just seemed natural to me.  Like I was meant to do it, and I did it.  And although it was likely the most pain I’ve ever felt, but it wasn't devastating, and that isn’t what I think about when I remember it.  I think about accomplishment.  I think about Isaiah.

It was a perfect experience.  I wouldn’t have had it any other way. 

Isaiah is 6 weeks old!!! 

I have the go ahead to start exercising now, and I'm super excited because I'm feeling pretty not skinny these days. 

I also have the go ahead to have sex, BUT honestly I don't know if I'm ready for it.  This is quite unusual for me to say, because usually my sex drive is really really high, and I thought I would just be dying by now.  Six weeks is way longer than Marcus & I have ever gone without having sex.  But I'm feeling pretty emotionally vulnerable.  Fragile even.  I think I would be so happy if we could just cuddle. 

But even if I was ready, we probably wouldn't be able to find the time or the place.  Because let me tell you about what's going on...

We just picked up a new client that will be using us every weekday morning for the next six weeks.  We've never had anything that regular or often. 

We have several dinner events this month which is unusual.

I started my last eight week term on Monday, and it appears that it will be the most difficult yet.  We have been assigned teams, and I am stuck for the third time in the past two years, with the laziest asshole of a teammate. 

I haven't finished posting Isaiah's birth story yet!  I'm glad I posted a portion of it because I got distracted way more than I thought I would.

We have Marcus's five year old (I think I'll call him A from now on) for the month of July. 

And my mom went home today.  A quite sudden decision made during our recent weekend trip to Arkansas. 

Last week I was imagining my days without her, nursing & playing with Isaiah, & alternating between eating, sleeping & working while he slept.  I thought it would be difficult but possible.  Now I'm adding a five year old to that picture. 

I'm a little nervous about how we're going to handle it all. 

But we must.  And we will, splendidly I'm sure.  I hope. 

We can't have any problems with this cuteness in our house right?

Things keep interrupting my progress, so I thought I would post in sections as I complete them.

I didn’t cry until two days after the birth.  I’m not sure why because every time I watched other women’s births, I cried.  I balled at my sister’s birth.  And every birth I watched after that incited tears.  Maybe after the birth, I was in shock.  Maybe I was too exhausted.

But two days later I cried.  While I looked at Isaiah sleeping, while I nursed.  I just kept thinking how thankful I was that everything happened the way it did.  And especially how thankful I was that Marcus was as wonderful as he was. 

I wanted to write this sooner afterwards so I wouldn’t forget any details.  Obviously that didn’t happen, and I’m sad about it. 

Nevertheless...

Isaiah’s Birth Story

Tuesday morning at about 4:30am I started to feel my first contractions.  I could tell they more than Braxton Hicks because I had to breathe through them to manage the pain.  I began timing them with this wonderful iPhone app called Labor Mate.  I tested a few others days before, and this was by far my favorite.  The contractions were consistently 9 minutes apart.  Marcus wanted to go fishing that day, but I suggested that maybe he shouldn’t go because we might be having a baby that day.  We giggled in excitement.  He agreed to stay, but I decided against letting him in case it was false labor.  It was a good decision.

I heeded what I knew my midwife’s advice would be, & I tried to sleep.  It didn’t work.  I got up instead & began preparing things.  I took a shower, ate breakfast, dried and straightened my hair, put on makeup, and put on my chosen labor outfit, a black bathing suit & a black coverup from Victoria’s Secret worn as a dress. 

At about 9, there was a knock on the door.  The maintenance man I called over a week ago was ready to put up some mirrors for me.  Thank goodness he came before I gave birth.  It was definitely a sign that I was ready to go into labor, because I previously claimed that I couldn't have a baby without it being done.  But the contractions stopped when he came.  I wasn't surprised.  I read about some births where women completely reversed their progress (from like 8 to 3 centimeters) when someone unfamililar entered the room.  They started again while he was there, but they were spaced out more.  30 minutes then 15 minutes then 10 minutes apart, random & not getting closer together. 

My little sis, Mom, and I began cooking.  Cappuccino Cheesecake, Brownies, Corn Dip, Salsa, Veggies & Fruit were on the menu for the birth.  When a contraction came, I left the kitchen, started the timer on my iPhone, & bounced on the ball.  That very quickly became & remained my preferred position in which to labor.  Contractions never stopped, but they remained randomly spaced.

Marcus called me & text me throughout the day to check on me.  He returned in the afternoon & left again for work.  I was sad that he had to go, but I knew I could just summon him if I progressed significantly.

My big sister was still in Florida.  The past several weeks, we were all worried about what we would do if she was still there when it was baby time.  What could she do?  She talked about catching a flight back, but now that seemed like an unrealistic option.  I didn’t want to worry her, so I waited until 4 to tell her what was happening.  They decided they would start driving back then.  I was torn between wanting it to happen soon to be done with the pain & wanting it to be delayed so she could make it. 

I sent Sarah a text at 4 as well.  She told me what I thought she would, that the contractions were too far apart to be considered anything but pre-labor or prodromal labor.  She told me to take a bath.  But I didn’t really feel like it.  Later that evening Sarah told me to drink a glass of wine or take Benadryl to ensure that I would get some rest.  There was no point in wasting my energy on false labor. 

I wanted to wait until Marcus got home to go to sleep.  He arrived at 2am.  I went for the glass of wine only to discover that the unopened bottle we were saving was bad.  And we had no Benadryl.  Without these helpers, I knew I couldn’t go to sleep.  So we watched the last three episodes of Grey’s Anatomy.  Wow, what a fabulous season finale! 

I  eventually had to start sitting up tall during contractions.  Lying down or leaning back didn’t allow me to contain them or breathe into them as well as I needed.  I held on to Marcus, and at times he was amused & shocked at how hard I squeezed.  It was nice spending a little time alone before everything really began.  

After the shows, we were both exhausted.  Since I didn’t love having contractions lying down, I decided to try and sleep in the living room.  Marcus very sweetly slept nearby on another couch.  He mumbled as he was falling asleep that I could hold onto him during contractions if I needed to. 

I tried to lie down on the couch to rest, but with every contraction, I had to sit up to get through them.  Thank goodness the contractions didn’t come on really strongly at first like I’ve read happens occasionally because I needed this practice breathing.  I listened to my birth playlist with my headphones.  Damien Rice, Feist, Ingrid Michaelson, Jose Gonzalez.  Soft, slow, depressing & beautiful. 

My big sis, her husband and their son arrived at about 5am.  I let them sleep in my room since my mom & little sis were in their room and Marcus and I were in the living room.  Contractions by now were varying from 5-7 minutes apart with an occasional 10-15 minutes. 

My nephew woke up shortly after they arrived, so we put him in the guest bedroom with my mom & little sis, so his mom & dad could get more rest.  They watched cartoons to entertain him.  I wished I could hold him, he was so cute!  But I kept having to go sit on the ball.  I put it next to the end of the couch and tried to lean my head on the pillows in between them to sleep.  I was so tired. 

At 8:02am I text Sarah that I had been having contractions consistently throughout the night, they were now 4.5-5 minutes apart and 1-1.5 minutes long.  I decided to listen to her this time and get in the bath.  I moved little sis & Mom to the living room and my brother-in-law to the other bedroom, so my bedroom would be clear. 

Getting in the bath slowed the contractions down to 6 minutes apart.  I hated being in there.  It was isolated and lonely.  There was nothing to hold onto.  I felt the opposite of grounded.  It didn’t help the pain.  And I was worrying the whole time about my phone getting wet.  I got out after about 4-5 contractions.  As soon as I did, they returned to about 5 minutes apart. 

I resumed laboring on the ball in my bedroom, leaning over the bed for support & rest.  Sarah called & asked me several questions about the contractions.  I then remembered to tell her that about 1 hour earlier, I saw some bloody show when using the restroom & then every time after that.  I’m glad that at the time I forgot exactly what that meant - it meant that I was dilating.  Had I known that, I probably would have gotten overly excited about my progress.  She asked where I felt the contractions, front, back, or bottom.  The answer was the front & back.  I talked through a contraction with her.  She couldn’t tell from my voice whether I was in active labor yet.  She told me to send someone to buy Benadryl, so I could try & sleep a little.  My older sister did, and I took two.

It made me drowsy, but I couldn’t sleep.  I wanted Marcus to hold me.  So I woke him up and asked him to come in the bedroom.  I said something about him sleeping forever, and he pointed out that it was only 9am.  I tried lying on my side again and had him to lay behind me & put pressure somewhere.  I didn’t know where; I told him to just do something.  He did his best, and it was nice to have him near me, but it wasn’t helping with the pain. 

A client of mine called & left a message wanting to use our services that morning.  Ha.  I had Marcus call her back to let her know we were in labor & wouldn’t be able to come. 

After a few hours of trying to sleep, Sarah called again, and I told her that I wasn’t able to sleep, and I was now having to make noise to get through the contractions.  From class, I remember that this meant that I was progressing into the transition period of labor.  She told me to take another bath & then walk around.

I dreaded getting in the bath, but I did it.  My sister sat outside my bathroom leaned against the love seat timing my contractions for me.  They slowed a little when I got it but returned to 3-4 minutes apart.  This time I didn’t want to bother with the music.  The silence was peaceful, but the water was still unpleasant, and I only lasted about 4 or 5 contractions.  

Sarah called again, and my sister talked to her.  I don’t remember what was said except for at the end, Sarah asked if I was ready for her to come.  I was still nervous about whether or not I was far enough along, but I replied, “I guess.”  She said she would be on the way. 

to be continued...

(preview of what happens at the end of the story)